


Origin of Love

by orphan_account



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Blue Lions Route, During Timeskip (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), F/M, Hurt/Comfort, KIND OF a roadtrip fic I GUESS, Suicide Attempt, happy ending I promise, magical journey, myths and legends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2020-12-31 06:30:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21099278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “If two companions search for the origin of love, the water of the goddess will reveal itself, and all ailments of the mind and heart will wash away.”A week before the fated class reunion, Dimitri and Marianne find each other.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Strong warnings for suicidal thoughts, ideation, and attempt. Even with this in mind I promise that this story will have a happy ending. Still, if you are in a fragile mental state, I advise to keep away from this story for now as it touches upon dark thoughts and places at certain points.
> 
> Also, at the beginning of this fic, Dimitri retains both his eyes.
> 
> Fic title is from Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

No matter what she did, Marianne’s heartbeat would not calm down.

She let out a shivering sigh, and closed her eyes. Seated at the edge of the lake, she could see through the tops of the trees in the distance that the sun was about to set. She had spent nearly all day here, waiting for herself to be at peace.

Why couldn’t she calm down?

Dorte let out a soft neigh beside her. Marianne patted her legs. “I know, I know,” she said. Her brow furrowed. Maybe she shouldn’t have brought Dorte here. Dorte shouldn’t have to watch what she was about to do to herself. She should have brought her to a nice pasture with other horses and left her there. She should have done a lot of things.

It was all too late for that now. Marianne has made up her mind.

She hunched over, and clasped her hands in prayer for the nth time in the day. “Dearest goddess,” she whispered, “I know this is the gravest sin. But please, give me the strength.”

She moved her hand to her chest, and felt her heartbeat there. Despite her plea, she could not stay calm.

***

Dimitri moved through the forest with the frenzy of insanity. The voices, he heard them everywhere. The trees and the birds were speaking to him with the voices of his father, his mother, Glenn, and Dedue. They all asked for one thing: vengeance.

It was actually a peaceful forest, a rare one untouched and unspoiled by war, but Dimitri was too far gone to notice this.

“Father, Stepmother, forgive me,” he said, his voice hoarse and dry. He had not drinken water in a day. If he did not find some soon, all will be for nothing. “It has been years and still I do not have that woman’s head.”

Dimitri startled, for an eagle flew over him through the trees, its wings flapping too loudly for his hearing. “Glenn, forgive me!” he cried, stumbling in the grass, haphazard eyes looking at the sky. “I know your soul knows no rest. Please, know that I will find your peace! I will take that woman’s head!”

A loud rustle through the bushes. Dimitri snapped his head to the sound, eyes wide. He fell over and crawled to where the noise came from. “Dedue,” he said. “No, I will not let your sacrifice be in vain. For you--for all of you--I will continue on to take her head!”

The voices grew and grew in volume, a loud cacophony of cries and pleas and accusations, telling him he had not done enough, he was a useless son, a useless friend, a waste of space, that they will never know true rest until that woman’s head is served to them.

Dimitri screamed.

***

A strangled, suffering scream came from the forest. Marianne looked back with startled eyes. Was someone in need of help?

She stood, not minding the mud on her skirt or the dampness of the hem of her black dress. Before she could take a step forward to investigate, a man emerged from the trees.

He was the most disheveled man Marianne has ever seen. His blond hair was long and unkempt, and his face was caked with dirt. He wore dark, dirty armor, and a cape lined with fur that was torn at the hem. In his hands, a worn lance.

Marianne’s heart beat faster still as he grew closer. Was this man going to hurt her?

“Water…” the man said, limping towards the lake.

At that muttered word, Marianne realized that this was only a man who needed help. She took her water skin from Dorte with trembling hands, and stepped towards the man. She held out the skin. “Here,” she said, looking down. “You can drink it.”

“What…” The man’s voice was low and gruff.

Marianne bit her shaking lip. “I’m giving you water.”

For a while the man did not move. Then in a flash he snatched the skin from Marianne, making her yelp. He stared at it for a few seconds, then tipped back his head to drink it all up with the hunger of a dying wolf. Marianne watched him do this.

And as she watched, she realized. The blue of his eyes, the sharpness of his nose. Her eyes widened and she gasped, bringing her hands to her open mouth.

They were not close. They had not even been in the same class. The most they’ve spoken to each other was that day in the cathedral, when Marianne told him to stay away from her. After that he had respected her wishes.

But there was no mistaking it. It was him.

“Dimitri,” she said quietly.

Dimitri parted his lips from the skin and stared at her.

“Everyone thinks you’re dead,” said Marianne. “But--but--here you are--”

Dimitri lifted his lance to Marianne’s chin. She inhaled a deep breath. “Do I need to kill you?” he asked.

“I--it’s me, Marianne,” she said, terrified, frozen, “I’m your classmate. Remember? Please remember…”

Dimitri seemed to consider this. He put his lance down. “I do not wish to kill someone I know,” he said. “I do not want another soul haunting me.”

“What are you doing here?” Marianne asked. “What happened to you?”

Dimitri gruffed. “Long story.”

“You can tell me,” said Marianne. Why was she asking all these questions? She should be doing something else now. She came here to do something, and she should be doing it. Why wasn’t she doing it?

Dimitri handed the water skin back to her. He walked past her and sat by the lake’s shore. “I hear voices.”

Marianne sat beside him, huddling her knees to her chest. “Voices?”

“The voices of the dead,” said Dimitri. He turned to face her. “Why are you here?”

Marianne looked to the far-off distance, to the other edge of the lake. “I…” she started, not quite knowing how to say it. “I thought that… if I swim to the middle of the lake…”

“You came for a swim,” said Dimitri. “In wartime.”

“No,” said Marianne, shaking her head. She closed her eyes. “This lake… it’s deep. It’s really deep. If I swim to the middle…”

“...You’ll drown,” Dimitri finished. He watched the little waves ripple in the lake. “Are you a fool?”

Marianne’s lips stretched to a thin line. “I am not a fool,” she said. “I’m merely… tired.”

“Do you truly wish to die?” DImitri asked.

“Yes,” was Marianne’s immediate response. But she thought. Why did she help Dimitri? Why did she ask him all those questions? Why hasn’t her heart rate calmed down? Why hasn’t she thrown herself into the lake? “Actually… actually, no,” she said. “No, I don’t want to die.”

“Then don’t,” said Dimitri.

“I don’t think it’s that easy,” said Marianne.

“I understand how you feel,” said Dimitri. “You feel as though your life is so hard and so difficult that you want to give up. I feel that as well. But I don’t give up. I can’t.”

Marianne looked to him. “What keeps you going?”

Dimitri let out a breath. “I need revenge.”

“That’s very negative,” said Marianne. “Dimitri… I think you’re sick.”

“I am sick,” said Dimitri, “and vile, and cruel.”

“I meant your health,” said Marianne. “Your mind is not in the right place. You need help.”

“And what about you?” Dimitri countered.

“Perhaps…” said Marianne, hesitating. She was saying this for the very first time. “Perhaps I need help as well.”

“And where would we get this help?” asked Dimitri.

Marianne blinked. “I just had an idea,” she said. “Before I… Before I came here, I thought about looking for the sacred water.”

“The sacred water,” Dimitri repeated.

Marianne nodded. “Yes, the water of the goddess. The saying goes: if two companions search for the origin of love, the water of the goddess will reveal itself, and all ailments of the mind and heart will wash away.”

“Bah!” said Dimitri. “I have no time for fairytales.”

“It’s worth a try,” said Marianne. “I only did not pursue it because the saying requires two people. At first I thought me and Dorte would be enough, but I realized that was a childish fantasy.”

“I am not going to waste my time with you looking for a myth,” said Dimitri.

“It’s my only hope,” said Marianne. “If I don’t find something that will help me, I’m afraid of what I will do to myself.”

Dimitri was quiet. After some time, he finally answered. “Fine,” he said. “I will accompany you. But only because I fear what you will do if I leave you alone.”

Marianne’s eyes filled with tears of gratitude. “Oh, thank you!” she said. “Thank you, Dimitri. You give me a second chance.”

“Don’t be fooled,” said Dimitri. “I am not a kind person.”

“I don’t know how you can say that,” said Marianne.

“You don’t know what I’ve done, and what I’ve yet to do,” said Dimitri.

Marianne stood, and Dimitri followed. “We’ll ride on Dorte,” she said, already mounting her horse. Dorte neighed and Marianne soothed her mane. “She’s a very good girl.” She looked to Dimitri, who was still standing away. “Oh… do you not know how to ride?”

“I learned in the Academy,” he said, and moved forward to mount Dorte.

“You can hold on to me, so you won’t fall,” said Marianne. Dimitri put one hand on her waist, the other still holding his lance. “I’ve never ridden Dorte with anyone else before.”

“Shame that your first riding companion is someone so disgusting in and out,” said Dimitri.

“Please don’t talk about yourself that way,” said Marianne. “Shall we ride?”

“Where do we go?”

“Anywhere.”

“All right,” said Dimitri, nodding. “Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC


	2. Chapter 2

They did not get to travel very far, as soon it became too dark in the night. Dimitri and Marianne stopped somewhere in the forest.

“We need to figure out exactly where we’re going, after we get out of the woods,” said Marianne. The fire she lit with some branches and magic flickered. Dorte rested nearby. “Do you have any ideas?”

Dimitri stared into the flame. He did not answer.

Marianne sighed and looked to the ground, frowning. “Dimitri, I hope you would cooperate.”

“Fine,” Dimitri said gruffly, folding his arms and leaning his back against a tree. “I’ll try to help you, but only because I want this finished and over with as soon as possible. I have objectives of my own I have to accomplish.”

Marianne pursed her lips in worry. “Is this about the… ‘revenge’ you mentioned?”

Dimitri clenched and unclenched his fist. “That woman and her selfish ambitions have taken my family, and my friends,” he said. “I will stop at nothing to take her head.”

“‘That woman’...” said Marianne, “do you mean Edel--”

“Do _not_ speak her name,” Dimitri said through gritted teeth.

Marianne withdrew into herself, making herself as small as possible. “Sorry,” she said in a small voice.

“Pah,” said Dimitri, glancing aside. Marianne hoped it was some sort of acknowledgment of her apology.

He was so different now, and not just physically. It surprised Marianne every time she remembered that this man was once the classmate she knew as Dimitri. There was a question that lingered in her mind, a terrible, awful question; who was the real Dimitri, the essence of his self: the once noble and honorable boy he was, or the hungry, vengeance-seeking shell of a man in front of her now?

Marianne was not sure if she wanted to know the answer to that question.

“I’m sure you already have some sort of idea,” said Dimitri. “You mentioned that you thought of pursuing this once before.”

Marianne bit her lip. “You’ll think me crazy.”

“I’m already crazy,” said Dimitri. “Just say it, and stop wasting my time.”

Marianne’s frown deepened. “I really do think that you can benefit from this water as well, Dimitri. You’re not well.”

“Of course I’m not well,” said Dimitri. “Answer my question already.”

“Very well,” said Marianne. She closed her eyes, preparing herself for Dimitri’s judgment. “Um. I thought that the ‘origin of love’ could be Zanado. The Red Canyon. Y-You know… the birthplace of the divine?”

Dimitri stared at her. “That’s actually quite clever.”

Marianne blinked in surprise. “Thank you?” she said, unsure.

“It will be a dangerous and perilous journey,” said Dimitri. Between them, the fire flickered. “Are you prepared?”

Marianne shrugged. “It’s either this or death,” she said.

Dimitri smirked. “I understand that sentiment.” He unfolded his arms, and looked Marianne in the eye. “All right. Let’s do it; I’ll help you get there. I’ll offer you protection with my lance. The deal is we do this quick and fast, because I have things to do. Rats to kill, spiders to squash. Waste my time and I will change my mind. Am I understood?”

Marianne gave him a dark look. “It seems that I am always a waste of your time. If that is so, then why continue to humor me? Why continue to mock my pain? You said you understood what I go through. Know this now: I am suffering to live. Do you think your rude comments help me?”

To her shock, Dimitri let out a barking, startling laugh. “So this is the infamous glare Sylvain told me about,” he said. Marianne was at first confused, then she remembered that day years ago when Sylvain approached her. “You’re right. Where are my manners? I’ve lost them along with my mind.”

Marianne sighed. “I promise I’ll use the water to share with you.”

“This madness has given me a clear, driven goal,” said Dimitri. “I don’t need your fairytale water.”

“You do, Dimitri,” said Marianne, a sad tint to her voice. “You do.”

***

Once the sun rose, they rode on Dorte towards the Red Canyon. Before they exited the woods, Dimitri and Marianne spotted a lost person from afar.

A lost person in black, tell-tale armor.

Dimitri’s eyes widened. His grip on his lance tightened. “Imperial scum,” he hissed.

He dismounted Dorte. Marianne stretched out her hand after him. “What are you--” But Dimitri brushed her arm aside.

“Another _rat_ has come to play,” said Dimitri in a booming voice. The Imperial soldier jolted, and found himself in Dimitri’s path. The soldier held his sword at the ready. Dimitri raised his lance.

Marianne jumped down from her horse. “No, stop!”

Dimitri did not seem to hear her. “I will make you pay for the crimes you and your leader have committed,” he declared. “Pray tell, how do you wish to die? I will grant you at least that, as long as it is slow and painful.”

The soldier wavered. “Stay back!” he cried.

“Stop it!” Before she could think, Marianne ran--and put herself between Dimitri and the soldier, her arms spread wide.

“What is this? Dimitri demanded. “Are you a traitor? Do you side with them?”

“No!” said Marianne, surprised by her own confidence. “I’m doing this for your sake. This is not you! You’re not yourself! Please, put your weapon down!”

“I will not put my weapon down.” Dimitri spat the words out. “This vermin deserves to be skewered on my lance! Death to him! Death to the Empire!”

Marianne shook her head. “I won’t let you succumb to this!”

A clattering of metal behind them. Marianne looked behind herself and saw the soldier running away from them, dropping his sword behind.

Dimitri moved to chase after him, but Marianne pushed him back with her hands on his broad chest. “Dimitri, stop!” she cried. “You’re frightening me.”

He glared at her. “You let him escape my wrath.”

“I was only trying to help you,” Marianne pleaded with him.

“Take a good look at me, Marianne,” said Dimitri. “There is no piece of me that can be salvaged. All has been lost and broken by war and flames. Why do you insist on ‘helping’ me? My mind is not charity.”

“I don’t believe all of that,” said Marianne. “There’s still humanity in you. I know it.”

Dimitri barked out a laugh. “How so?”

“You betrayed yourself when you revealed your motivations to assist me in my travel,” said Marianne. “You said you feared what would happen to me if you left me alone. That shows you still care. Beneath all of that, you still care.”

Dimitri narrowed his eyes. Marianne gulped. He stared at her for a moment. After a while, he turned and walked back to Dorte.

Marianne sighed, and followed him.

***

They were on the road to Zanado. After days of travel, the Red Canyon was growing nearer and nearer. They would be there before sunset.

The mountainous road to their destination was actually quite beautiful, Marianne mused. What kind of animals live here? She wondered if she would make any new friends on their journey. Marianne hoped so. Dorte was her best friend, but Dimitri was not very good company. After her short speech on their journey’s first night, he had stopped making rude remarks; still, all he did was grunt or say something about rats. Marianne liked all animals, even rats, but she did not like the way Dimitri talked about them.

“This way,” Dimitri said, pointing down a path. Dorte followed.

“You know your way,” said Marianne.

“I’ve been to this place before,” said Dimitri. “Early in the year we studied at the Academy my class was assigned to rout here some bandits. That was the first time in my days as at the monastery I killed another human being. But it was not the first time in my life.”

Marianne was silent. After a while she spoke up. “Why did you attempt to murder that soldier?” she asked. “No, not just murder. You wanted to torture him.”

“I am on a quest for revenge,” Dimitri said, as if that explained everything.

“We’re on a different quest now,” said Marianne.

“I speak for the long-term,” said Dimitri. “I will not rest until I find the vengeance the fallen so desperately seek. I will not succumb to your childish myths. I’m only here to make sure you find what you need unharmed. After this, I shall be back on track to get that woman’s head.”

Marianne bowed her head. “I know I should be grateful for your company, but I only feel guilt,” she said. “I am not someone worth protecting. If anything, you should actually stay away from me.”

“You told me that before. I remember,” said Dimitri.

“I only bring misfortune to others,” said Marianne. “I’m nothing but unlucky. If you’re here to protect me, I’m afraid that my terrible destiny will only counter that. Honestly speaking… I apologize in advance. For any harm that may come your way, because of me. I know this is a selfish journey.”

“It’s not selfish,” said Dimitri. “Wanting to live is basic human instinct.” For a minute, silence. “Do you know why we feel pain?”

“Why?”

“It’s the way our bodies signal to us that something is dangerous. That we should stay away from it,” said Dimitri. “My pain tolerance is so high. I hardly feel anything when something punctures through my skin. I wonder at this point if I’m still even human.”

“I think you are,” said Marianne. “I believe in you.”

“You believe in a madman murderer.”

“I believe in someone who cares about me enough to want to protect me,” said Marianne. “And I think there’s hope for him yet.”

Dorte neighed softly.

“Dorte thinks so, too,” said Marianne.

Dimitri did not answer after that. Marianne assumed their conversation had ended. But he spoke up. “I only want to protect my… my friend.”

Marianne looked over her shoulder to face him, startled by his confession. “You consider me your friend?”

“Yes.”

“After I told you to stay away from me, all those years ago?”

“Yes. Even still.”

Marianne turned back, to look forward and away from Dimitri. “You don’t want me as a friend. As I said, I only bring misfortune to other people.”

“I do not believe that,” said Dimitri.

Marianne held her breath, waiting for an explanation. But Dimitri did not expound upon why.

***

“We’re here,” said Dimitri.

They arrived at a stone bridge at the top of rock cliffs. Marianne dismounted Dorte and Dimitri followed. She took a few steps forward, head turning this way and that to survey the place. “Where do you think it is?” she asked. “That is, if it is here…”

“There are some columns to the north,” said Dimitri. “Let’s check those.”

Marianne nodded. With Dorte’s reins in hand she led them across the stone bridge.

A terrifying, loud and guttural roar emerged from the silence after they crossed the bridge. Marianne shrieked and covered her ears. “What was that?!” Marianne cried. “Dimitri?!”

Dimitri’s eyes were open wide, searching around frantically. “They’re here. They’re here again…”

“Dimitri, what are you saying?” Marianne said quickly. “Who’s here?”

Another roar. This time, it was accompanied with the sound of loud, looming footsteps.

Dimitri looked to Marianne. “The beasts.”

A large, monstrous thing came out from the shadows. This wasn’t the animals she imagined. This was a monster, big and frightening. Marianne took a step back, and another, and another, until she was flush against Dimitri’s chest. Her body trembled with fear. “What do we do?” she whispered.

“Just stay back. Stay with Dorte,” said Dimitri. He took hold of her shoulders and pushed her behind himself. He readied his lance.

The beast opened its great mouth to let out another ear-shattering roar. Dimitri charged at him with full force, letting out a battle cry, and stabbed the beast with his lance.

“Dimitri!” Marianne cried. She could not stand here and watch idly as Dimitri told her to do so. She could not watch Dimitri possibly fight to his death. She pushed forward, reaching out her palm, and a burst of magic came out and hit the beast.

Dimitri looked back at her. “Good aim!” he said.

“You’re not fighting alone,” said Marianne.

“That’s good to hear,” said Dimitri, retrieving his lance and jumping backwards. He charged forward again--

\--and the beast swiped its claws at his face.

Dimitri dropped his lance, metal clattering to rock ground, and fell to his knees, his hand hovering beneath his eye.

Marianne will never in her life forget the sounds of his screams.

“Dimitri!” she cried, running to him. He was screaming out in pain, in agony. _My pain tolerance is so high_, echoed Dimitri’s voice in her head. Blood was running down his right cheek. She held her hands out to his face and tried to heal him with magic.

His eye. It had ripped out his eye.

The beast roared again.

Marianne put her arms around Dimitri’s shoulders. “We have to get out of here,” she said, helping him get up. “We have to get to Dorte!”

With a quick turn she held out her palm again to let out a burst of light magic at the beast, to blind him for a few seconds and buy them some time.

Before Marianne could help Dimitri up on Dorte, he pulled on her sleeve. “What about the water--”

“It’s not safe here!” said Marianne. “We have to go, now!”

Marianne mounted her horse with Dimitri right behind her, slumped forward on her back with his head on her shoulders. She urged Dorte to run, and they galloped away from the beast as fast as they could. Marianne had one hand on the reins and another by Dimitri’s face, trying to use healing magic on his eye, to get it to at least stop bleeding, to close the wound, to do _anything_.

Dimitri’s last sight before he blacked out was of Marianne and her tears, and then the world turned to nothing in a shower of red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Dimitri dreams of the dead. Only this time, there’s only one visitor and it’s someone new.

“Professor,” said Dimitri.

His Professor only nods, silent as always. They are in some abstract dream-space, devoid of color and full of color at the same time, shifting and changing all at once. The Professor slowly circles around Dimitri, observing him, watching him.

“Yes, yes, I know,” said Dimitri. “I’ve changed.” He rolled his eyes. Eyes? His last memory was losing his right eye. Then again, his dreams were always cruel. 

The Professor stopped in front of Dimitri, looked at him, and smiled.

“How rare of you to smile,” said Dimitri. “But I know what you’re going to say next. They all say it. You want to be avenged. I know this, and I will accomplish it for you and the others. I will--”

“--Have her head?” the Professor finished for him, raising a brow. “Dimitri. This is not you. It is your sickness talking. You are not well.”

Dimitri swallowed. “You sound like Marianne.”

“She cares for you,” said the Professor. “And you care for her as well.”

“I care for one thing only,” said Dimitri.

“No, that’s what you think,” said the Professor. “But your heart says another thing.”

“Why is it all so… peaceful?” Dimitri asked. “My dreams are often filled with showers of blood and fire. The crying and wailing of the dead. Why aren’t you crying and wailing?”

“Maybe I’m not dead,” said the Professor. “After all, you never found my body, did you? No matter how hard you looked. No matter the cuts and bruises on your hands from searching for my body in the rubble of the monastery.”

Dimitri closed his eyes. “Do not be cruel with me.”

“You must awaken now,” said the Professor. “She’s waiting for you. You worried her a great deal, you know.”

“I don’t want to, not yet,” said Dimitri. He had not uttered words so vulnerable, so betraying of his true feelings, in years. “I haven’t seen you in five years. I’ve missed you and your guidance.”

The Professor only smiled once more. “You will see me again, Dimitri.”

And Dimitri woke up.

***

Dimitri awoke with a slight jolt. The first thing he noticed was that he only seemed to see half of everything.

Right. His eye.

He brought his hand up to where his right eye once was. Whatever wound he had was now closed up and healed, and when he felt down his face he traced the ridges of a scar. Dimitri exhaled through his nose and laughed to himself. He knew he was a hideous monster on the inside, and now he was one on the outside as well. A terrible, bloodthirsty one-eyed creature.

“Dimitri?”

He lifted himself up, and found Marianne watching over him. She was hunched over with her knees drawn up to her chest, her arms hugging around her legs. Her eyes were full of caution, and something that looked like concern. Dimitri didn’t know. He watched her embrace herself even tighter, making herself even smaller. “I was so scared,” she said.

He said nothing.

“I tried my best to heal you,” said Marianne, “but my magic couldn’t bring back your eye… I’m so sorry, Dimitri.”

“No apologies,” said Dimitri gruffly. “I should be thanking you. You cleaned up my wound. Without you, it would be festering and infected or worse.” He chewed on his lip, and looked down at the rocky ground. “Thanks.”

Marianne shook her head. “Without me, you would still have both of your eyes.”

Dimitri huffed. “Look, I’m sorry we didn’t find your magic water,” he said. Marianne looked down and seemed like she was about to cry. “The sacred water,” he corrected himself.

“Maybe this is a sign from the goddess,” said Marianne softly. “Maybe we’re not meant to find the water. I believed in a foolish child’s fairytale and you were punished for it. I have to give up.”

Dimitri furrowed his brow. “Don’t.” He leaned forward, closer to Marianne. “You’re miserable, are you not?”

Marianne nodded. “But maybe I should just live with my problems, like a normal person.”

“And how did that turn out?” Dimitri asked. “With you seated at the edge of a lake, standing at a steep cliff, or a necklace of rope around your neck?”

Marianne did not answer.

“We’ll find that water,” Dimitri assured her. “We’ll heal your heart.”

Marianne glanced away. “If we do find the water of the goddess,” she said, “I want to use it for your eye.”

Something moved in Dimitri’s heart that he could not quite placed. He quickly swatted the feeling away. “You need it more than I,” he said. “Would it even work? I thought the water healed ailments of the mind and heart, not the body.”

Marianne shifted where she was seated. “Well…” she started, “surely the loss of your eye is a tragedy to your mind and heart, isn’t it? Healing it would remove that pain.”

“It’s not such a huge loss,” said Dimitri. “I think it fits me quite well. I was a monster inwardly then; I am a monster outwardly now as well.”

Marianne frowned. “You’re not a monster for having lost an eye,” she said. “If the kindest person in the world had only one eye, would you call them a monster for their physical defect?”

“No,” said Dimitri, “but I am not the kindest person in the world. I am not kind at all.”

“You’re kind enough to accompany me, and protect me,” said Marianne. “You still think of others. I think you are kind.”

Dimitri snorted. “You’re wrong,” he said, only because he wanted to refute her words and nothing else.

“I’m sorry again for your eye,” said Marianne.

“I still have another one,” said Dimitri without thinking. Marianne covered her mouth with her hand and chortled. When she brought her hand down, on her lips was the tiniest of smiles. Dimitri blinked, shocked. “A laugh and a smile. Must be my lucky day.”

Marianne averted her gaze. “There’s nothing lucky about me.”

“You healed my wound. That’s lucky enough for me,” said Dimitri. “Get some rest. You must be exhausted. I’ll stay awake and keep watch.”

Marianne nodded. She lied down on the rough ground, using her arm as a pillow. Dimitri watched as she closed her eyes and her breathing evened out.

“Goodnight, Marianne.”

***

In the morning, they ride on Dorte to get themselves even farther away from the Red Canyon as they possibly could, and find themselves riding into a small town.

“Dorte, stop,” Marianne told her horse, and Dorte followed. Marianne turned to Dimitri behind her. “Um, before we go in, I think you should hide your… cape.”

Dimitri stared at her. 

“Your cape?” asked Marianne. “You know… with the…” 

Dimitri looked back on his cape. Stitched across it was the coat of arms of Faerghus. Considering the town was probably swarming with Imperial soldiers, it didn’t exactly help them blend in.

“You’re right,” said Dimitri. “I should’ve noticed.” He unfastened his fur cape, and Marianne folded it and placed it in her lap.

“Shall we?” Marianne asked. Dimitiri nodded. Marianne urged Dorte to go on, and they entered the small town.

Already they could hear the faint, faraway sound of music. Hanging from the roofs of the houses were streamers and colorful bunting--all signs of festivity. There were Imperial soldiers here and there, but in the streets children played and lovers danced. Marianne looked back to Dimitri with a puzzled face. This was not the look of a town captured in wartime.

Soon they found a tavern. Marianne tied Dorte to a post outside and she and Dimitri entered. The tavern was filled with cheerful souls, all laughing and drinking in a merry manner. In the corner, a woman played a jaunty tune on a pianoforte. Marianne and Dimitri gave each other sidelong glances.

They arrived at the bar. “Mornin’, folks!” said the smiling barmaid. “What can I get for ya?”

“We would just like some food, please, for the both of us,” said Marianne meekly, fishing coins out of a little sack. “Here’s some money. Thank you.”

The barmaid counted the coins, and grinned at them. “Two plates, coming right up.” 

She turned to leave, but Marianne said, “W-Wait!”

The barmaid returned. “Yes?”

“Um…” said Marianne, “I’d--We’d… just like to know… why is it that… well, you know… um…”

Dimitri grunted. “Why is everyone happy,” he said gruffly.

“Oh!” said the barmaid, giggling. It was a real giggle, as if she were a young schoolgirl. “Well, it’s the town’s founding day, that’s all! It’s the one day in the year we aren’t all that gloomy. Lucky day for you travelers to pass through town, isn’t it?”

Their food came quickly. Marianne watched with shock as Dimitri devoured his meal. Hunched over in a terrible posture, he swooped up food in his mouth like a man dying from hunger. He clearly left his table manners at the Academy. Marianne ate her own food quietly, like she was taught to. 

“You’re picking at your meat,” said Dimitri, his mouth full of food.

“Oh, well…” Marianne started. “I just try to avoid meat if I can. I often think that it used to be an animal, you know? Could’ve been a friend…”

Dimitri continued to chew loudly. “Are you going to eat that?” He pointed at her steak.

Marianne shook her head, and pushed her plate towards Dimitri. “All yours.”

She thought she heard him say “thanks,” but she could have imagined it.

Dimitri finished eating. “It’s a sudden question, but,” he said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, “why do you suffer so, Marianne?”

Marianne blinked at the question. “I suppose…” she said, “I think I’m cursed. I bring misfortune to everyone around me.”

“Not to me.”

Marianne ignored that. She looked down. “I don’t like myself. I don’t like my personality. I wish I was… more outgoing. And happier. I’m just depressing.” She let out a deep breath. “It’s so painful. Living like this.”

Dimitri moved forward, and looked Marianne in the eye. “You know what I think?” he asked. “You should feel it. Feel your pain. Don’t suppress it. It’s natural to be sad, and hurt, and pained. It’s part of… part of being human. Not that I know anything about that, anymore.”

“You’re the first person to tell me that,” said Marianne. “Feel my pain… and what if I’m pained all the time? Am I doomed to feel miserable forever?”

“That won’t be true,” said Dimitri. “Human beings aren’t like that. You’re sad, then you’re happy. You’re happy, then you’re sad. What would make you happy? Don’t you have something to look forward to, for instance?”

“No. Nothing,” said Marianne. “Do you?”

Dimitri was silent for a moment. “My class will be having a reunion.”

Marianne’s eyes widened. “That sounds wonderful.”

“It’s in a few days’ time. At the monastery.”

“Are you going?” Marianne asked.

“Do I want them to see me like this?” Dimitri said, brow raised.

“They’re your classmates, and you’ve been gone for five years,” said Marianne. “I’m sure they would be more than delighted to see you. I think you should go.”

Dimitri glanced down at his empty plate. “Would you go with me?”

“Oh, um…” said Marianne. “But I was not part of your house. I don’t really have friends from your class either...”

“You’re friends with me, aren’t you?” asked Dimitri.

Marianne smiled slightly. “I suppose so,” she said. “But I look dreadful. My dress is an atrocity after all it’s been through.”

Dimitri seemed to consider this. He hummed. “How much money do we have left?”

***

“A-Are you sure?”

They were walking through the town with Dorte trotting alongside them, looking for a tailor. Little children crossed their way with wooden swords, laughing and play-fighting. Dimitri scoffed. “All this joy is nauseating to me.”

“I--I said, are you sure we should spend the rest of our money on a dress,” said Marianne.

“Yes,” said Dimitri.

“But--”

“Oh, here, a tailor shop,” said Dimitri, lifting his arm towards a small establishment which had a sign that clearly signalled a tailor. 

“But our money--”

“Money can also be found,” said Dimitri, and he entered the shop without looking back at her.

Marianne sighed. “I hope he doesn’t mean ‘stolen,’” she said, and followed him inside.

Dimitri was already speaking to the tailor at the counter. “--I need a new dress for my companion,” Marianne heard him say.

“Ah, a lover’s gift!” said the tailor, twirling his mustache in a dreamy manner.

“No,” said Dimitri firmly. “She’s a friend.”

The tailor looked past him to see Marianne. “And this is the lovely lady!” He passed under the counter to greet her, and gave her a top-down look. “Wearing, uh… exactly who are you wearing, my dear?”

“Who”? “I--I’m not wearing anyone?” said Marianne. 

The tailor’s mouth twisted to the side, giving her dress a long side-look. “I see. Off-brand.” He clapped his hands. “Well! I can’t let a beautiful lady such as yourself be looking so dreadful on founding day. We shall get to work immediately! Don’t worry, my dear. We’ll find the perfect dress for you!”

Dimitri tapped her shoulder. “I’ll be waiting outside.”

“O--Okay,” said Marianne.

The tailor rubbed his hands together. “Let’s get started,” he said. “What was your name again, dear?”

***

Dimitri was leaning against the outside wall of the tailor shop. The sun was already right overhead in midday. It’s been at least an hour. What was taking them so long? 

Beside him, Dorte neighed. “Silence,” said Dimitri.

Dorte neighed again. This time Dimitri noticed that she was nudging her head towards the storefront window. Dimitri turned to take a look.

“Wonderful! Splendid! Absolutely beautiful!”

The tailor’s voice was so loud that Dimitri could hear him from outside. From this angle he could only see the tailor himself fawning over who he assumed to be Marianne. Dimitri took a step sideways to get a better look, and softly gasped.

The tailor seemed to catch him in the corner of his eye, for he turned around and beckoned Dimitri to come inside. Dimitri did, still in a slight surprised trance.

Marianne was beautiful. Her hair no longer looked like it was falling apart--it was neatly in place, braided perfectly around her head. The dress was a deep blue that complimented her hair, with golden-colored accents that brought out the gold hue in her brown eyes. Her face seemed to be changed most of all; where her eyes had once seemed dead and lifeless she now looked at the world with sparkling, smiling eyes, and her skin was flushed pink with vitality. Perhaps the tailor had encouraged her in some way.

“Someone seems love-struck,” said the tailor in a sing-song voice.

Dimitri grunted and shook his head. He looked at Marianne again, and allowed himself to smile a small smile. “You look. Good.”

“Thanks,” said Marianne quietly. She gasped and brought her hands to her mouth. “Oh! I almost forgot…” She stumbled over to the counter to grab something, and went up to Dimitri with her hands behind her back. “Um. I have something for you.”

Dimitri raised a brow.

Marianne presented her gift. It was an eyepatch.

“I made it from my old dress,” said Marianne. “Mr. Adams, the tailor, was kind enough to lend me some needle and thread. I’m afraid I’m not the best at needlework, so perhaps it still needs some tending to, but… here.”

Dimitri took the eyepatch. “Marianne,” he said. “This is very thoughtful. Thank--thank you.”

Marianne shrugged, seemingly embarrassed. “It’s the very least I can do. You insisted on buying me a new dress, after all.”

“Ah, two lovers exchanging presents,” said Mr. Adams. “Such is love!”

Neither Dimitri nor Marianne refuted the epithet.

***

Once they exited the tailor shop, Dimitri and Marianne found that the town festival was in full swing. It was a windy day, and the zephyrs brought flowers from the trees swirling around them, dancing with the festive music played by a gaggle of musicians in one corner. In front of the musicians a few people have already gathered to dance, and all of them were smiling and laughing.

“I was never one for parties,” said Marianne.

“Same here,” said Dimitri. “Let’s get out of here.”

He brought his arm around Marianne to bring them away from the crowd, while Marianne tugged on Dorte to follow. But the dancing crowd got bigger and bigger as more people joined, and someone pulled Marianne from Dimitri’s grasp.

“Marianne!” cried Dimitri.

His eye searched frantically amongst the circles of dancers moving like parallel currents for that familiar head of blue hair. He spotted Marianne in the crowd, hand in hand with other dancers, looking lost and confused as she stumbled along with the music.

Dimitri groaned, and tried to make his way through the throng of people dancing. “Make away,” he said. “Move!”

Someone grabbed his shoulder from behind. Dimitri turned in a flash, instincts flaring up, but it was only a harmless villager. “Loosen up! It’s Founding Day!” said the villager, and placed a crown of flowers on Dimitri’s head. Another person grabbed his hand, and another one grabbed his other hand, and soon he found himself along the circle of dancers as well.

He could see Marianne fumbling about in the more innermost circles, far away from him. “Marianne!”

Marianne followed his voice and found him. “Dimitri!”

“Marianne!”

Dimitri pulled himself away from the people holding his hands, and pushed himself forward through the crowd, towards Marianne. But the townspeople were too merry and festival-drunk, and Dimitri found himself spinning and twirling and even clapping his hands along the way. He was getting dizzy.

Marianne was only a row of dancers away. He found himself only nearly face-to-face with her, blocked by a circle of villagers. “Marianne!” he cried, reaching out his hand for her.

“Dimitri!” Marianne reached for his hand--their fingertips touched--but she was ripped away with song as the dance continued and the circles of people moved and moved.

“Marianne!” Dimitri forced himself through the circle. In the corner of his eye he could see Marianne pushing through the crowd. The music swelled, coming to a fast-paced crescendo. Around Dimitri, people danced and danced, lifting their arms and bowing and clapping their hands in tune with the song. 

Dimitri finally got through to the center of the dance--the eye of the storm--and Marianne met him in the middle. The song ended.

Around them, the townspeople finally stopped dancing and clapped their hands in thanks for the musicians. Dimitri stared at Marianne before him. She was sweaty and flushed red, but she looked so happy. She clapped along with the villagers.

“I can’t believe that was actually… fun!” she said, panting. Her mouth stretched into a sweet smile.

Dimitri’s eye widened.

Oh.

“Well? Shall we go?” asked Marianne, unaware. Unaware of Dimitri’s realization. “Or shall we take a breather first?”

Dimitri did not answer. The words coming out of her mouth brought his eye to her lips.

Marianne laughed gently, bringing her hand to her mouth. She put a palm on Dimitri’s shoulder and led him towards a bench. “I think we should rest first.”

Dimitri nodded mindlessly. On his mind there was only one thing.

He was in love with Marianne von Edmund.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the dance scene i was going for tangled vibes, but for a more concrete vision look at the midsommar maypole dance i suppose? BUT PLEASE forget all the gory and scawwy stuff associated with the movie...

**Author's Note:**

> twitter @tinyemblem


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